After a very long hiatus from dating and relationships, I recently decided it was time to open myself up to meeting someone new into my life. Terrified is a tame word for how I felt even thinking about this.
First, I tried a dating site that simply made me cringe. For me there has to be a connection with someone a "real time/real life" connection. Online dating felt more like a job interview and quite honestly, I went on one date and was done with it.
It probably didn't help that I had a specific age group in mind along with about a million other things. A couple of month back I was a asked out by someone significantly younger than myself and to my greater surprise, I agreed. I had sworn, I would never ever be a "cougar". While this did not turn into happily ever after, it was a wonderful experience with a wonderful man to whom I owe a huge debt of gratitude. He treated me well, I had a great deal of fun and in the end we parted on very good terms.
Not long after I met him, I was expressing all of my worries and my assumption that this would be a good time for a short time because there is no way someone so much younger could possibly be interested in someone my age for anything serious. The joy of really good friends is they call you on your crap. My friend asked me "WHY would you be so set on a relationship with someone your own age, even your friends average about 10 years younger than yourself?" I thought about that. I am vibrant and most days forget that I am 47 years old. I'm physically active, I am bored sitting on the couch watching TV every weekend and I like to have a whole lot of fun. I'm not interested in someone retirement account, investments, etc.... Now give me a man that is willing to explore life, do stupid things for fun, get out and play, go to the fair with me and eat cotton candy until we both have a stomach ache and then get on the roller coaster with me...THAT is my kind of man. Not to say that all men in their late 40's are like that, but many have gotten so wrapped up in the day to day worries of life that they miss the fun.
This got me to thinking. WHY had I boxed myself in? Why was I limiting my options and why had I labeled myself in such a way. Well...because I was still stuck in the old societal role of being a "good girl". Good girls are what society deems acceptable. Trust me, I am not that girl. I have a couple of tattoos and will likely get more. I have piercings that make my siblings cringe at the mention of them, I have a weird job based on the standards of others. So why oh why would I live up to others standards when I date?
I realized for myself this has been how I have lived most of my life. Trying to please others before myself and that is exactly how I found myself searching for my own identity when my "acceptable" marriage fell to pieces and I was left on my own with absolutely nothing. It's time for the good girl to go back to a place of a "comfortable" life and I'll get on with a life that brings me joy everyday.
What part of your life are you living to please others while selling yourself short? Where are you blocking yourself from fully embracing your goddess because others might not approve? Are you happy doing that? Most of us don't change everything overnight and honestly if we did, we would likely scare ourselves so bad that we would never move forward. BUT...I urge you to find one small thing in your life that you have compromised, buried, ignored or just plain rejected because of what others might think and give yourself a chance to change that small piece to doing it one YOUR TERMS!
Live With Passion
~Bel
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