Giving Your Power To Others: Changing The Old Habit

After my post yesterday, I received two emails asking me the same question: "I know I am giving my power to someone else but how to I stop giving them power?"
Thank you so much for asking the question and for the inspiration.  That is exactly what today's audio is going to be about.
I know from experience that giving up your power to others is a habit and it's very hard to break.  This is a process, it does not happen overnight but you can begin to create change overnight.
I am going to walk you through the process that I am including in the audio.  Remember, you agree to take total responsibility for your physical and emotional well being by following along with this process.
You must first look at where you are giving up your power.  Maybe it is to a situation or a person or both.  It's likely you will find many layers to this.  Like an onion you will peel away the layers until you get to the core of it all but each step will give you more power over your own life.
For the tapping audio, I am going to ask you to pick ONE person who still has power in your life.  Now remember a single situation if you can (the more specific you can be the better results you will find) that resulted in this person still having power in your life today.  Now, allow yourself to feel it.  The more you feel the better, as you go through the audio this should bring the intensity down unless you are triggering something else or another aspect of the situation.  On a scale of 1-10, 1 being not really feeling it and 10
I'd like you to give this a title.  Imagine there is a movie in your head of this person and situation and give it a title.  If this was a movie what would you call it?

What this tapping audio will do is help you neutralize some of the emotion around these things and see them a little more clearly.  It will not change what happened, it will not change the person, what it should help you do is change how you respond to it.  How you respond to a past or even present hurt determines if you give your power away to that person or if you choose to own your power and not allow it to run your life now.

If you are unfamilar with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and tapping, there is a video below with that points.  Remember you don't have to be perfect in this, get as close as you can and you will still get the effects of it.
The audio is below the video.







Audio




Live With Passion
~Bel

Does Your Past Define Your Present?

I wasn't actually going to post today as I am unable to make an audio that would not include a very scratchy voice and probably a bunch of coughing and sniffling.  My allergies are off the charts today, so I was going to wait until tomorrow but I was inspired by a Facebook post today, so you at least get my thoughts today.

The post posed the question:  What do you want your business to reflect about you.  I thought about it for a moment then I knew without a doubt what that was.  I want my business and my life to reflect that I am not defined by my past.  I had all the cliche's in my head, about being fabulous, sexy, sensual, etc... but for me all of those things actually require not allowing my past to dictate my present.

I can appreciate that we all have some pretty awful stuff in our past but we have a choice as to how we respond to those things in our present.  What really makes me cringe are statements such as "I'm like this because I was abused, he cheated on me or anything else that keeps us in the past and involve things that at the end of the day had everything to do with the perpetrator and not ourselves.  I did NOT force anyone to abuse me, cheat on me, lie to me, etc...  The only part I played in that was how I responded to it all and often my response was not a healthy one in which I created more of the same.

Giving my past power in my present also means giving power to those who have hurt me.  It's doubtful that any of those people even think of me any longer and they certainly are not living their life around me.  So, why on earth would I want to live my life based on their bad behavior?

One of the worst things I have ever done to myself was punishing myself for the bad behavior of others.  The most recent had to do with allowing others close to me, specifically men.  My history with men is not exactly my finest example of strength, good choices, etc... and I can sit and cry all day about how I was wronged OR I can live my life and make better choices as I move forward.  Not trust any man, not allowing one close, not giving myself a chance to find out there is the right person out there for me, is punishing myself.  My ex has moved on, remarried and has a life that does not include me.  Yet, for several years, I lived my life according to his bad behavior.  I shut myself down, would not allow any man who really might want a real relationship anywhere near me and filled my basic needs with the occasional friends with benefits.  It was fun but highly unsatisfying.  This was how I responded to my ex husband cheating.  The cheating was his issue, not mine.  I didn't cheat; HE did.  One day it hit me.  I am preventing myself from having true and total happiness in my life because HE behaved badly.  HE is still controlling my life and he isn't even giving me a second thought.  The minute this became clear, I found myself really angry at myself for being so foolish.  I couldn't be mad at him, because he had nothing to do with the choices I was making.

I am slowly putting myself back in the dating world.  It's new, it's scary but it's full of fun and adventure.  No, the first man I met and dated did not turn out to be my happily ever after but he did help me clarify what I did want and also helped me expand  the very small box I had put myself in.   I am open to much more for myself, I am having fun and yes, occasionally I do something totally dumb but now, I am OK with all of those things.  The mistakes I make are MINE.

Whatever happened to you in the past does not have to define who or what you are today.  If you are still living in a way that ends with a sentence such as "I can't because something bad happened to me", then you are giving the power and control of your life over to someone else.  Take control of your life and let those who hurt deal with their own present, it is no longer yours to carry.

Live With Passion
~Bel

ME Day!

Rumor has it that Jupiter is moving into my 10th house astrologically (is that an actual word?).  I am told this house is about our place in the world/work/career.  Maybe that explains my sudden motivation to do everything at once.  Not only am I getting ready to launch a couple of programs based around my EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) work, yes my lovely Goddesses, you are at the top of my list.  I am also putting together a business based on a long time hobby of making bath and body products and I am writing again.   Jupiter is about luck and expansion or so I am told and I intend to use it to the fullest of my advantage.  I am not an Astrologer but I am happy to utilize anything the Universe chooses to send my way and that includes a  bright, shiny Jupiter transit.

Of course with all of this going on, I have had to catch myself and remember to take time to have some fun and just take care of myself.   For me one of the biggest things I have to keep in mind when I go into hypermode is to give my body what it needs.  I can easily sit in front of the computer all day and write, etc... and not think about eating until my stomach is screaming so loud that the neighbors can hear it growl.

Over the past two weeks, I have started to make a point that when I get up in the morning to make my coffee, I also make a smoothie of some kind.  Nothing fancy, just a bit of fruit (usually mangos from the freezer section), juice and a bit of protein/vitamin powder.  This gives me the extra kick, I need in the morning and it kicks my metabolism into gear.  I have also started keeping things in the fridge that I can just reach in and eat on the go.  Grapes, individually wrapped cheese sticks, grape tomatoes, etc... which means I can eat many times a day, keep my metabolism moving and still keep writing or whatever it is that I am focused on in the moment.

This morning, I looked in the mirror and realized that my usual summer tan was no place to be found.  I am pretty pale which is a bad thing because I just had my hair highlighted and I really love the way it looks but seriously, I need some color to really accent how it looks.  I also noticed I was wearing gray yoga pants and a t-shirt.  Not my best look and certainly my sign that I am not giving enough attention to myself and my needs.  Yoga pants are the thing that I wear when I am too busy to take care of myself.  My nails are mess, the color is chipped and peeling off (actually it's wearing off because it's been that long) and in general, I look frumpy!

I have decided, today is ME day.  I can work if I choose, but I am taking me and my Nook reader outside and I am going to bask in the glorious sunshine and a good book.  I might even call my niece to come over and do my nails for me.  She is really wonderful with a camera, so many I'll have her take some photos as well.

It doesn't matter what I do, as long as I am taking care of all of me today.  It's wonderful to be motivated but make sure that whatever it is you are doing, you remember to take care of yourself, body, mind and soul.  As much as others might need you, you can't take care of anyone else if you haven't taken care of yourself first.

Live With Passion
`Bel

Scaring Teenage Boys Who Date My Niece: Setting The Example

My niece who will be 16 at the end of this month has a new boyfriend, whom I will meet this weekend. I had to laugh out loud when she said she was more worried about him meeting me than her dad. Mind you, my brother is color wearing, motorcycle riding, tattoo covered biker and he is awesome! The joke amongst our mutual friends is that he is the nice sibling. It's partly true. My brother is easy going, hard working, deep loving and fairly quiet. He let's most things slide off his back and he loves his daughter more than life itself.

I, on the other-hand, have a big mouth, I call it as I see it and if you mess with my brother, you will deal with me. I'm even worse when it comes to my girls; my 19 year old daughter and my niece. I've made mistakes in my life that cost me a very dear price and many of those mistakes involved who I would become for whatever man was in my life at the time. When I saw my daughter repeating those patterns, I swore to change something. I was determined to become the person that I wanted my daughter to look up and I began to make new choices. Never again would I give up my own identity for a man, never again would I make the masses happy at the expense of my own happiness, never again would I settle for less than anything that makes me completely happy.

Remember, our girls are watching us and the choices we make and they will follow in our footsteps in one manner or another. How we treat ourselves can't be any less than we would accept for them. Treat yourself with love, compassion, kindness, forgiveness and acceptance of who you are and they will learn to do the same. You will find in time that anything less no longer feels comfortable and you will be a living example of what making yourself matter is all about.

 I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I, will be explaining to a teenage boy that if he is afraid of my brother then he best treat my niece well or he will have me to contend with. I might mention that I used to beat up my brother who can appear scary to boys wanting to date his daughter.

 Live With Passion ~Bel

Weight Gain: It's not about what you are putting you mouth but about what you are holding in your body

Most of us already know how cortisol plays a part in weight gain.  The more stressed you are (physically or emotionally) the more the body releases and makes it difficult to lose weight.  I am not an expert on how cortisol actually works or does not work.  It is a necessary to our physical well being as healthy levels give us energy and stamina but in excess, I know it creates issues with weight.   If you want more information you can either do a web search, ask your doctor (always a strong recommendation) or you can being here with this article.  Again, I am NOT an expert in this category.

So, now for what I do know.  I know I held onto about 40 additional pounds for years.  I tried every diet under the sun and found I either did not lose weight or I gained it.  I had two serious problems in my attempt to drop those pounds.  First:  Was my marriage.  It was wrought with stress.  I spent my days battling toxic in-laws in which my spouse generally ignored the dysfunctional behavior and the more it went on the more I felt that I did not matter.  The marriage itself had a great deal of stress as I always felt I was trying to live up to some impossible goal of "good enough" and I ate about once a day.

When the marriage ended, I made a few conscious choices and one of them was to keep nutrition in my body.  Under great stress, I had a habit of forgetting to eat and land myself in the ER being treated for dehydration and a undernourishment .  I was NOT going to allow that to happen and make myself look weak to my then husband.  Funny thing happened when I did that.  The stress of the in-laws and the day to day with the husband was gone and I was giving my body much needed nutrition.  I lost those forty pounds and ate whatever the heck I wanted.  I also ate many times a day.  This weight literally fell off of me and I wasn't even trying to drop pounds, I just wanted to maintain my dignity.

This was not only a valuable lesson but a wake up call.  When one drops 40 lbs while eating mostly fast food and smoothies (I eat much better now) there is a very clear message.  I heard that message and made a conscious choice  to keep stress at bay as much as possible, treat myself better and feed not just my body but my soul.

Remember, the physical body has one purpose; To keep itself safe.  So, when it was stressed and starved, it help onto every bit of protection that it could and in my case that was fat cells.  What I ate at that time made little difference (eating that much fast food would not sit well with me now, because I have become way more conscious about also keeping my body healthy with real food).  My weight was not about what I was eating but it was about what my body was holding.

My marriage certainly played a part in it but so did some very old wounds.  My body knew nothing else but to be in fight or flight mode and it protected itself at all cost.

Part of my way of taking care of myself daily both body and soul is through EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).  It helps me keep stress levels down, remain reasonable even when things are out of control and just feel good.  The more I tap on the issues in my life the less I am inclined to eat and entire bag of Reese's cups or stuff my feelings with food (yes, I can do that as well).  I feel good in my own body even if there are a couple of extra pounds from lack of activity in the winter and I feel good about myself.

I am including a tapping audio to help you begin to move stuck feelings.  I am going to start releasing recordings on this blog every Monday.  If you have a request or a suggestion for future audios feel free to email me.




More information about EFT, cortisol and tapping:  http://www.zimbio.com/Emotional+Freedom+Techniques/articles/YiSrnY2DJKY/EFT+Tapping+Cortisol+Stress

Live With Passion
~Bel

F*** YOU! Getting Honest With My Own Feelings

I am the first to admit that while I am a practitioner, I am not perfect and I still have to do my own work on a daily basis.  This is one of those great big AHA moments for me.
I have been working a program by Margaret Lynch called the 7 Levels Of Wealth Manifestation.  I am a person who lives and breathes the chakras and to be quite honest, I thought I had my chakras all figured out.  WRONG!
I heard an interview with Margaret and knew I had to have this program.  She addressed the chakras and how they actually function in day to day life and how the old stories/vows locked inside of them can block all aspects of your life.  I needed this as I felt it could help me help my own clients and myself.
What I wasn't prepared for was this:  As I tapped on old childhood issues, I was still totally NUMB.  I could not bring up the feelings to save my life.  I'm really good at beating myself up when I don't get things right and I was sure there was something wrong with me but I was noticing shifts in my life for the better anyway.
I continued working the program and kept going back through the chakras over and over.  Each time something shifted and each time I found myself moving forward in a positive direction.  Then while listening to one of the recording Margaret talked about F YOU tapping.  I noticed even as she spoke about I could feel the anger bubbling up, so I tapped and I began F YOU'ing to anyone who came to mind even if if didn't make sense in the moment.  I honored there had to be something subconscious if that person came up.  I went to the issues of my childhood and the damn burst.  Anger, rage, hurt, sadness all of it and I just kept tapping and telling those people what I thought of them, what they did, how it felt and how it still can hinder me as a grown woman.
I realized, I am really good at getting angry when someone hurts or wrongs someone I love but I wasn't valuing myself enough to feel those feelings for ME.  I had learned through years of abuse to numb those feelings, to not really let myself totally feel them because there was nothing I could do to change things then.  Now, I am safe.  Now I am able to process those feelings and validate them for myself.
The day after I did this, I went to a party where normally, I would have stuck to my own crowd of friends because it was bit out of my comfort zone.  This time, I actually spent little time with my usual crowd, made new friends and was asked by a couple I had not met before that night to officiate their wedding in September. (I am also an ordained minister who on occasion will pull that out and perform a wedding ceremony).  The ability to feel these feelings address them and honor myself and my feelings in this shifted me for the better.
EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) work is not always pretty or easy but it is so worth it in the end.
While I will be integrating what I learn from this program into my own practice, if you want it from the master then I HIGHLY recommend that you invest in yourself and get this program from Margaret Lynch.  Here is the link again:  7 Levels Of Wealth Manifestation
In the meantime remember that your feelings do count and are worth standing up for.

Live With Passion
~Bel