I wasn't actually going to post today as I am unable to make an audio that would not include a very scratchy voice and probably a bunch of coughing and sniffling. My allergies are off the charts today, so I was going to wait until tomorrow but I was inspired by a Facebook post today, so you at least get my thoughts today.
The post posed the question: What do you want your business to reflect about you. I thought about it for a moment then I knew without a doubt what that was. I want my business and my life to reflect that I am not defined by my past. I had all the cliche's in my head, about being fabulous, sexy, sensual, etc... but for me all of those things actually require not allowing my past to dictate my present.
I can appreciate that we all have some pretty awful stuff in our past but we have a choice as to how we respond to those things in our present. What really makes me cringe are statements such as "I'm like this because I was abused, he cheated on me or anything else that keeps us in the past and involve things that at the end of the day had everything to do with the perpetrator and not ourselves. I did NOT force anyone to abuse me, cheat on me, lie to me, etc... The only part I played in that was how I responded to it all and often my response was not a healthy one in which I created more of the same.
Giving my past power in my present also means giving power to those who have hurt me. It's doubtful that any of those people even think of me any longer and they certainly are not living their life around me. So, why on earth would I want to live my life based on their bad behavior?
One of the worst things I have ever done to myself was punishing myself for the bad behavior of others. The most recent had to do with allowing others close to me, specifically men. My history with men is not exactly my finest example of strength, good choices, etc... and I can sit and cry all day about how I was wronged OR I can live my life and make better choices as I move forward. Not trust any man, not allowing one close, not giving myself a chance to find out there is the right person out there for me, is punishing myself. My ex has moved on, remarried and has a life that does not include me. Yet, for several years, I lived my life according to his bad behavior. I shut myself down, would not allow any man who really might want a real relationship anywhere near me and filled my basic needs with the occasional friends with benefits. It was fun but highly unsatisfying. This was how I responded to my ex husband cheating. The cheating was his issue, not mine. I didn't cheat; HE did. One day it hit me. I am preventing myself from having true and total happiness in my life because HE behaved badly. HE is still controlling my life and he isn't even giving me a second thought. The minute this became clear, I found myself really angry at myself for being so foolish. I couldn't be mad at him, because he had nothing to do with the choices I was making.
I am slowly putting myself back in the dating world. It's new, it's scary but it's full of fun and adventure. No, the first man I met and dated did not turn out to be my happily ever after but he did help me clarify what I did want and also helped me expand the very small box I had put myself in. I am open to much more for myself, I am having fun and yes, occasionally I do something totally dumb but now, I am OK with all of those things. The mistakes I make are MINE.
Whatever happened to you in the past does not have to define who or what you are today. If you are still living in a way that ends with a sentence such as "I can't because something bad happened to me", then you are giving the power and control of your life over to someone else. Take control of your life and let those who hurt deal with their own present, it is no longer yours to carry.
Live With Passion
~Bel
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